May 23, 2009 was my first day back training.
For months before, I was going to the gym occasionally, lifting once in a while, and watching what I ate only when I was full. I kept talking about losing weight, but never really did anything about it.
In early May, I decided the only way to lose the weight was to plan it out. I had to make up a menu of foods I should be eating (and ones I should stop eating) and a workout plan to help me burn off calories.
At first, I was really only trying to lose weight. I wasn't thinking about racing or riding with the team. I was just sick of being fat and the toll it took on my self esteem.
I started out using my bike only as a training tool. When I rode, I was in uniform but it was only because my QCW/Breakaway kits were the only cycling clothes I had.
After I'd ridden for a few weeks, I decided to try one of my favorite rides. My first couple attempts at the West River Time Trial were kind of tentative. I just wanted to see what kind of shape I was in. I didn't have any goals of smashing old records or anything, I just wanted to do something that I knew I used to enjoy. I think seeing my teammates there and the feeling of being one of them might have helped inspire me to do more.
I can't say exactly when my approach switched from "get fit" to "get fast", but it happened pretty quickly. Looking back over my training logs, by July I was starting to set more aggressive goals and, more interestingly, note attacks, breakaways, and strong riders that I was trying to beat n training rides.
When I was riding before, I never really felt dedicated as a cyclist. I was fanatical as a speedskater and I'd often used cycling as a cross training method when my ankles and back hurt too much from skating. I don't think I ever made the mental switch to believing it was my primary sport. Mostly I rode a lot and dabbled in training ideas, but none of them serious or for any length of time. I had some decent success, but I think that was mostly from genetics and hold-over fitness from skating.
This time is different. My dedication is much stronger and my training is as efficient as I can make it. It has to be, since my MBA schoolwork and traveling for work take up so much of my time. Most of all, I have regained my drive to win... no let me rephrase that. I've regained my drive to beat people, even if it's just my own past performances that I'm beating.
Over the last 4 months, I've dropped from 197 pounds to 178 pounds. I love fitting into better clothes, I love feeling attractive again, and I love looking in the mirror and seeing someone I almost recognize. But none of that compares to the feeling of being fast on the bike again, which is the best feeling I've ever known.
I used to be really pumped up any time I'd had a good performance. Now I almost want to cry afterward, since I know just how fleeting those moments are and I know how miraculous it is when I have one.
Four months from now (or so) is my 36th birthday. The best presents I can possibly give myself will be to lose my remaining extra weight and be even faster than I am now.
