Today I had planned on doing our group ride. The logistics of getting into the city with the Philadelphia Marathon going on kind of killed that. I left too late and couldn't get anywhere near the start of the ride in time. So I tried something else.
I went home, dropped of my road bike, and picked up my mountain bike, then went out to Tyler State Park. It's actually a lot closer to my new place. I got out there and realized it's a lot different than I'm used to.
First off, it's a network of trails. I'm used to a simple out-and-back, so I had to pay a little more attention to where I was. On those trails, there are a LOT of people with dogs. They don't pay attention and they don't even all walk to the same side of the trail. So I had to pass them pretty slowly and call out my approach a lot sooner.
Most of all, it's freaking hilly. I'm not a climber. Not even remotely. I'm way too muscular and still have too much fat left on me. Not to mention, my road bike, fully loaded with drinks and tools, is 24 pounds. My mountain bike, also fully loaded, is 41 pounds. So not only did I have to climb some pretty steep hills, I had to carry an extra 17 pounds with of bike up them. This was NOT an easy ride.
It was fun though. It felt good to be outside on a cool fall day and get in a ride, even if it's not the ride I really wanted to do.
My weight is not really moving. I'm still 175 pounds.
UPDATE: Now on Monday, my arms are KILLING me from the added vibration and shock from being off-road. It's pathetic, really. I was on a paved trail most of the time and was on a gravel/packed dirt trail for 15 minutes. Ugh!
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Saturday, November 14, 2009
A Different Crowd
This week's RPM class, I was in with the big boys. Most of the riders were at least one or two categories above me, making them much stronger and faster than I am.
It started out with a lead group of four who I was able to stay with. That eventually split into two groups of two and I was in the trailing group just watching the other group's lead grow. Joe Wentzell started a little late and was chasing us for quite a while. When he caught up to my group, I hopped in his draft and held on for dear life.
When I'm really stressed in life, one of two things happens when I get on the bike: I completely wimp out and start complaining to myself about how hard it is to ride, how I shouldn't be there, how I really should be home in bed, how I don't want to do this.... you get the point. I'd be looking all over the place, thinking about whatever is bothering me instead of cycling. The alternative is that my conscious brain pretty much shuts down. All it does it process numbers and tactics. It looks at my heart rate, power, speed, perceived exertion, and the location of other riders. I think in short declarative phrases, like "a couple RPM more" or "downshift" or "he's gaining, speed up." My attention goes from being really scattered to razor sharp focus. Usually, in order to achieve that higher state, I've got to really push HARD, which is not easy when your attention is scattered.
Joe going by me was all that I needed. Chasing him, even benefiting from being in his draft, my heart rate skyrocketed from 155 - 160 up to 178 - 180. I was working as hard as I could and my brain just shut down. All I focused on was keeping my distance away from him close enough to stay in his draft.
The other guy in my group was not able to hang on. Over the next several minutes, I gained almost a mile gap on him.
On the next hill, Joe pulled away from me, leaving me stuck alone, but with a mile lead. All I had to do was hang on.
Joe pulled almost two miles ahead of me by the finish. He won, of course, sprinting to a solo finish on his own. I finished fourth out of seven.
What was interesting was that my average power was the second highest of the group, yet I finished second. How can that be? I'm still dragging too much weight. Every hill, I'm fighting my extra weight. I need to get my ass in gear and lose that last 10 to 15 pounds.
Once I was off the bike, the rest of my worries gradually came back and the reality of life sets back in. At least it was a good morning on the bike.
It started out with a lead group of four who I was able to stay with. That eventually split into two groups of two and I was in the trailing group just watching the other group's lead grow. Joe Wentzell started a little late and was chasing us for quite a while. When he caught up to my group, I hopped in his draft and held on for dear life.
When I'm really stressed in life, one of two things happens when I get on the bike: I completely wimp out and start complaining to myself about how hard it is to ride, how I shouldn't be there, how I really should be home in bed, how I don't want to do this.... you get the point. I'd be looking all over the place, thinking about whatever is bothering me instead of cycling. The alternative is that my conscious brain pretty much shuts down. All it does it process numbers and tactics. It looks at my heart rate, power, speed, perceived exertion, and the location of other riders. I think in short declarative phrases, like "a couple RPM more" or "downshift" or "he's gaining, speed up." My attention goes from being really scattered to razor sharp focus. Usually, in order to achieve that higher state, I've got to really push HARD, which is not easy when your attention is scattered.
Joe going by me was all that I needed. Chasing him, even benefiting from being in his draft, my heart rate skyrocketed from 155 - 160 up to 178 - 180. I was working as hard as I could and my brain just shut down. All I focused on was keeping my distance away from him close enough to stay in his draft.
The other guy in my group was not able to hang on. Over the next several minutes, I gained almost a mile gap on him.
On the next hill, Joe pulled away from me, leaving me stuck alone, but with a mile lead. All I had to do was hang on.
Joe pulled almost two miles ahead of me by the finish. He won, of course, sprinting to a solo finish on his own. I finished fourth out of seven.
What was interesting was that my average power was the second highest of the group, yet I finished second. How can that be? I'm still dragging too much weight. Every hill, I'm fighting my extra weight. I need to get my ass in gear and lose that last 10 to 15 pounds.
Once I was off the bike, the rest of my worries gradually came back and the reality of life sets back in. At least it was a good morning on the bike.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
The Hardest Things
I said this blog would only be about weight loss and fitness, but here I am writing about my divorce. This week I've had to do several really difficult things relating to that and thought I should mention them. Maybe someone else can benefit from my mistakes and experiences.
On Tuesday, I had to pack the remaining items at the apartment that my wife and I shared. I left on pretty short notice at her request and still had quite a few items there that were too large to carry out on my own. My wife's stuff was all gone, leaving only a random collection of items. To see my things without hers next to them just felt wrong. A couple times it completely overwhelmed me. At one point I found myself sitting on the stairs sobbing. OK, it was more than once that I found myself sitting somewhere random in the place sobbing. Usually someplace where I had a random happy memory hit me. Once I just dropped to my knees and smacked into the hardwood floor hard enough to see stars.
People who know me know that I'm not easily shaken emotionally. Being there again shook me to my core. It was so hard being in a place with so many memories, so many sweet little moments, so many hopes and dreams. All of them are just memories and failed hopes now.
I had thought about sleeping there on the couch and then getting up to meet the movers the next morning. I couldn't do it. I just couldn't stay there without her. It felt wrong and it hurt too much. The fact is that I have a gaping wound in me as a person that will probably take a while to heal, no matter how much of an act I put on at work and with my friends. Spending that much time there would have just hurt too much.
So I threw a few things in the car and went back to my apartment, which I still can't say feels like home. I tried playing some XBox to get my mind off it all.... no luck.
I came back the next morning and watched as the movers took my stuff out to the truck. I had to really try not to break down in front of them. It felt like they were taking all my memories of the last few years away. I know there are bad memories too, but it's the good ones that you miss.
The first couple weeks, I was more or less OK. I don't think it had all set in yet. Now, I can barely function. I'm depressed. I'm hurt, stressed, I can't focus my attention on anything, and I sleep but wake up a lot and never feel rested. I miss her a lot and hate myself for the pain I caused her.
Perhaps the hardest thing I've had to do is to make myself feel that emotion. I'm not drinking, I'm not burying myself at work or at the gym or on the bike, and I'm avoiding anything that might get me in trouble.
I didn't start that way. Believe me, the first few weeks I did everything I could to distract myself and I did some things I'm not proud of. So now I'm here facing it head on. And it hurts.
A piece of advice to all you married folks out there: recognize a good thing when you've got it. As frustrated as you might be, as hurt as you might feel, whatever faults or slights you perceive.... just be ready to deal with how hard it is to live without them. I was really unhappy in the final months, but not a day goes by that I don't wonder what would have happened if I'd done something more or something sooner. Maybe we could have worked it out before the major damage was done.
Living without someone who you thought you would never be without is harder than I ever thought it could be.
On Tuesday, I had to pack the remaining items at the apartment that my wife and I shared. I left on pretty short notice at her request and still had quite a few items there that were too large to carry out on my own. My wife's stuff was all gone, leaving only a random collection of items. To see my things without hers next to them just felt wrong. A couple times it completely overwhelmed me. At one point I found myself sitting on the stairs sobbing. OK, it was more than once that I found myself sitting somewhere random in the place sobbing. Usually someplace where I had a random happy memory hit me. Once I just dropped to my knees and smacked into the hardwood floor hard enough to see stars.
People who know me know that I'm not easily shaken emotionally. Being there again shook me to my core. It was so hard being in a place with so many memories, so many sweet little moments, so many hopes and dreams. All of them are just memories and failed hopes now.
I had thought about sleeping there on the couch and then getting up to meet the movers the next morning. I couldn't do it. I just couldn't stay there without her. It felt wrong and it hurt too much. The fact is that I have a gaping wound in me as a person that will probably take a while to heal, no matter how much of an act I put on at work and with my friends. Spending that much time there would have just hurt too much.
So I threw a few things in the car and went back to my apartment, which I still can't say feels like home. I tried playing some XBox to get my mind off it all.... no luck.
I came back the next morning and watched as the movers took my stuff out to the truck. I had to really try not to break down in front of them. It felt like they were taking all my memories of the last few years away. I know there are bad memories too, but it's the good ones that you miss.
The first couple weeks, I was more or less OK. I don't think it had all set in yet. Now, I can barely function. I'm depressed. I'm hurt, stressed, I can't focus my attention on anything, and I sleep but wake up a lot and never feel rested. I miss her a lot and hate myself for the pain I caused her.
Perhaps the hardest thing I've had to do is to make myself feel that emotion. I'm not drinking, I'm not burying myself at work or at the gym or on the bike, and I'm avoiding anything that might get me in trouble.
I didn't start that way. Believe me, the first few weeks I did everything I could to distract myself and I did some things I'm not proud of. So now I'm here facing it head on. And it hurts.
A piece of advice to all you married folks out there: recognize a good thing when you've got it. As frustrated as you might be, as hurt as you might feel, whatever faults or slights you perceive.... just be ready to deal with how hard it is to live without them. I was really unhappy in the final months, but not a day goes by that I don't wonder what would have happened if I'd done something more or something sooner. Maybe we could have worked it out before the major damage was done.
Living without someone who you thought you would never be without is harder than I ever thought it could be.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Bad Ride
Today, I felt absolutely lousy on the trainer. It could be the lack of sleep, from stress, from a change in my diet, or some other factor, but today was the first time since I came back to training that I can really say I had bad day.
How bad? My heart rate was between 15o to 160 BPM when I was only generating 150 watts or so. I'm usually doing 200 watts at that heart rate.
I should have known that I'd have a bad day eventually. It's just a part of training. I guess I should be happy that it took me this long before I had one.
My weight didn't really move this week. I'm at 173.6 pounds.
How bad? My heart rate was between 15o to 160 BPM when I was only generating 150 watts or so. I'm usually doing 200 watts at that heart rate.
I should have known that I'd have a bad day eventually. It's just a part of training. I guess I should be happy that it took me this long before I had one.
My weight didn't really move this week. I'm at 173.6 pounds.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Full motor
Yesterday's RPM ride was the kind that makes me glad to be alive.
It was a decent warmup followed by a 13 mile course that looked U-shaped. A steady descent followed by a flat stretch followed by a really vicious steep finale. It took 52 minutes to finish, so you know it was not an easy climb. At some points I was moving at 6 mph.
It was the end that made it exciting. I went all out in a way I haven't done in years. My power levels were holding at about 280 to 300 watts. It's not a high level of power, but my threshold is only about 220 watts. I was purely anaerobic for about the last 12 minutes of the ride. By the time I hit the finish , my heart rate was at 182 BPM. I was sure that I was about to puke all over my bike.
I know, I know, it's the foundation time of year and I'm supposed to be going easier than that. Tough shit. Most people are coming off a long season of training and racing. I'm coming off 2 years of being a fat slob and the mental boost from knowing that I still have that kind of fight in me is well worth it.
Today on the trainer, I can't say that I felt it at all. I was able to spend about 90 minutes on a rolling CompuTrainer course and felt great.
This week, I'm going to try and get back into the gym. No, I'm not going for any new records (though that 1200 pound goal is seriously taunting me!), it's not the time of year for that. By the end of the year, I want to get back under 165 pounds and I'll need to be doing the kind of weight work that I was back in the summer.
This morning, I was at 173.6 pounds and 19.8% body fat.
It was a decent warmup followed by a 13 mile course that looked U-shaped. A steady descent followed by a flat stretch followed by a really vicious steep finale. It took 52 minutes to finish, so you know it was not an easy climb. At some points I was moving at 6 mph.
It was the end that made it exciting. I went all out in a way I haven't done in years. My power levels were holding at about 280 to 300 watts. It's not a high level of power, but my threshold is only about 220 watts. I was purely anaerobic for about the last 12 minutes of the ride. By the time I hit the finish , my heart rate was at 182 BPM. I was sure that I was about to puke all over my bike.
I know, I know, it's the foundation time of year and I'm supposed to be going easier than that. Tough shit. Most people are coming off a long season of training and racing. I'm coming off 2 years of being a fat slob and the mental boost from knowing that I still have that kind of fight in me is well worth it.
Today on the trainer, I can't say that I felt it at all. I was able to spend about 90 minutes on a rolling CompuTrainer course and felt great.
This week, I'm going to try and get back into the gym. No, I'm not going for any new records (though that 1200 pound goal is seriously taunting me!), it's not the time of year for that. By the end of the year, I want to get back under 165 pounds and I'll need to be doing the kind of weight work that I was back in the summer.
This morning, I was at 173.6 pounds and 19.8% body fat.
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